Happy New Year To You

The greatest gift are those that cost us least

As there is no price to put on it

That greatest gift is you.....

MULU

Happy New Year to me

Can't believe thats it already the end of 2009

so much memories

so much pain

so much happiness too

so much that I would want to hold on to and not let go

so much tears that I have shed

so much regrets and fogiveness to seek

and so much to thank for and blessed with

I pray and I hope that the future has something worth looking forward to

but then again thats entirely up to me

the rest is luck and a lot of hard work

i still wonder if time will ever mend my broken heart

maybe thats not worth thinking about

maybe its not something to think about or even try so hard to do

maybe it will just happen

maybe ignorance is better

maybe being in denial is not that bad

maybe its not wrong to be numb

Pause a bit and reflect

strange how life comes to a full circle...

met a girlfriend last night and she confessed that she was in love with a married man, i smiled as she spoke to me

it was like watching a rerun of my life as I listen to all the stories and quotes

life can be so cruel at times but in the end it reveals itself

I fully understand the adrenaline , the void , the pain and the confusion she is going through

my girlfriend calls it "addictive pain".. so so so true..thats what it is

in the end we concur that a soul mate is born and cannot be mould nor build

either he has it or he hasn't

and there will only be one in your lifetime

only that one.....

funny

funny how i ....

use to yearn so much to walk hand in hand, send love notes while you are working, giggle over your stupid jokes, get upset when you don't call...,

use to wish that i can just sit and enjoy the evening breeze, watch the sun go down, enjoy the sights and smell of pasar malam, shop for home stuff at ikea no matter how ridiculous the price is, choose cat food, cook for you and maybe even burnt my cooking, add my songs into your ipod, watch you shop until you drop....,

use to wish that every day i get to wake up beside you , touch your skin and smell your after shave....,

use to want be acknowledged that I exist in your life, that I have a place beside you, that I belong to you, that you have to mark your territory at every occasion..,

use to wish that i could just catch a movie with you no matter how late the time is....,

use to believe that nothing in this world could be so bad as long as you are with me...,

funny how the simplest things in life makes me sad wishing that it could have been our "kodak" moment

its not funny anymore.... just a slow sigh ... not even a giggle or a smile.

a glimmer of hope!

Ahhhhh

at last a glimmer of hope..
dare I celebrate this small achievement ?
after months of casualties
sweat and blood
saw the report from the revenue director today
oh god ..
thank god
there is a glimmer of hope

at least something in my life is going the right direction..
I cannot fail.
period.

why

why is it that lately i felt like its so hard to get up and face the day

like there is no reason to go on

like there is nothing to look forward to

like no matter what I do ..things will not be better

like life has finally reach its end

this is so not me

numb

Way too painful to describe in words

Way too painful to even talk about

Way too painful to even think about tomorrow and the days after

Way too painful to imagine what could have been

Way too painful to even pretend that it will just go away