I read all my old postings for the passed 3 years and I forgotten about that person writing all that posting. Who is that? Life is so much simpler, with no responsibilities, no worries and basically just a breeze.
Then came the posting for the past 12 months ...oih... so depressing.Can't even write a proper paragraph..just points and notes and so depressing. Its a miracle that anyone would want to be near me at all last year. its like someone walking with dark clouds on top on their head. Nothing beautiful and hopeful. Like the sun never came up. Like life is just a motion that you go through daily, with no feelings , no excitement, no time to step back and exhale.
The me then and the me now are two different person... the simplicity in the way I celebrated life is gone. Is this a disease that you get when you go up one notch in your career? The stress, the expectation, the commitment. You get sucked into this oblivion and if you are not careful you just get lost in it. The higher you climb the less human you become? There is no more 'you ' just what's expected of you. You need to make decisions which is so against what you really feel and yet you do it because its what you just need or have to do.
I want my old self back... I miss her. I shall find her. Where ever she is hiding..its time to wake up and smell the roses and let go of the shit dumbbells I hang around my neck.
